Nagging "not good enough"ness
I got back from my trip to London and Scotland on Sunday night.
I finally feel like my body is back in this time zone and not five hours ahead (buh-bye 3am wake ups!).
As you may have seen in my last email, I was in Scotland for a retreat and a leadership training with Firefly, a leadership development company that I started partnering with in July.
The retreat was held at the most luxurious setting I've stayed in, a 550-acre estate called Archerfield.
Just imagine...
A 17th century mansion house.
Incredible sunsets.
Two pristine golf courses.
Grand chandeliers.
Spacious bathtubs.
Gorgeous metal sculptures outside and striking paintings inside.
Incredible meals featuring seasonal produce from Scotland.
I've gotta say, it was jaw-dropping!
And... being in this incredible setting brought up many different emotions for me.
Awe.
Gratitude.
Excitement.
Disbelief.
Insecurity.
Self-doubt.
And even though everyone I met at the retreat was so kind and welcoming, there was a nagging voice in my head wondering if I had "earned" this amazing experience.
This voice was quite brutal...
You're invitation to this must've been a mistake - you haven't worked with them very long!
The work you've done with them felt easy and fun - is it too good to be true?
You don't deserve to be here.
What if people don't like you?
You're not experienced / professional / formal enough!
You're not good enough.
It wasn't there the whole time, but when it did speak up, it took a lot of self-management for me to stay present in the moment.
And when those "not good enoughs" in my head overshadowed my actual in-the-moment experience, it kept me from getting to know this wonderful group of people around me.
[Even though I LOVE connecting with people in person and had really been looking forward to it!]
I had to intentionally keep practicing the process of pausing and coming back to myself.
Reminding myself to be present in my body.
Choosing to be open to exploring the edges of my comfort zone.
Attempting to be brave even when it felt risky.
And when I was able to do that, I could let in the experience of really getting to know these incredible coaches and Firefly team members.
To see them and be seen.
In conversations with my colleagues after the retreat, I learned that I wasn't the only one feeling insecure about my enoughness.
Because as it turns out, we ALL have moments when we think we don't deserve something or that we didn't work hard enough to get it.
What are those moments like for you?
What emotions does it bring up for you?
What sensations do you notice in your body?
What thoughts come up?
What do you want to do when you get hooked by not enoughness?
How can you be gentle with yourself the next time this happens (hint: how would you treat your dearest friend in a moment of insecurity and not enoughness)?
I know I'll keep getting opportunities to be brave despite the nagging voice, and I imagine you will too.
Here are some resources that have helped me:
Sarah Blondin's meditation, Remembering Your Worth
An exercise from Dr. Kristen Neff, Changing Your Critical Self-Talk
The poem ENOUGH by Erica Layne (below).
"You don't have to be tidier,
thinner,
funnier,
or smarter.
You don't have to be more assertive,
more ambitious,
more social,
or more productive.
You can keep growing,
but you don't have to be more of anything in order to be enough...
you already are.
-Erica Layne
If you want to to feel more resourced more often alongside a small group of like-hearted women, join us in the next women's circle!
We start in one week (on 10/23) and we'll circle up together on Zoom every other Wednesday evening for six months.
The women's circle is guided by four phases of growth, and we get into worthiness right away in the SEED phase, where we do an exercise that helps you get back in touch with who you were before the world told you who you should be.
Previous participants have found it to be quite powerful!
Check out the Women's Circle info page for more details about the program, equity-based pricing tiers and the application to join us.
There's space for 3 more women (it's limited to 6 women). Is one of those remaining spaces for you or a woman you care about?
Honoring your inherent enough-ness,
Stacy
PS. On a totally different note, if you're looking to up-level your leadership skills for you or your team in an affordable, accessible way, let me know - I'll send you info about Firefly's newly launched Online Learning Library that I've been helping to create.
